I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
