I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
