I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I didn't shave. On purpose
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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