69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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