My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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