omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
