More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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