He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
