Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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