he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
