it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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