I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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