I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And then he peed in my hair
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