Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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