Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
