I just saw a hot homeless man
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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