dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
