I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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