She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
