Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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