her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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