That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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