Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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