okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
