I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
