Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
