I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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