in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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