Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
