Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
