Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
