it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
