i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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