Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
