some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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