The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
