apparently the secret to your success is patron
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
