i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude i'm inner monologue high
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
