he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
