The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
