She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
