He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
