i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
