Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
