I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
