And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
