I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i've created a new STD.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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