ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
