Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
