Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Boobs are out for the taking
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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