Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
