you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
