i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
