Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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