Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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