its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
